Why not You?

So, I was talking with J Bunn, and he told me a story about a lady who was recommending or church to her family who is relocating to our area. She mentioned that she knows our church will be perfect because it is relevant, has great environments for kids, and is a place where getting involved is easy.

And she stressed that she is a particular denomination, but NewPointe is perfect for her family.

Hold up. Don't we all need a church that is relevant, that is family focused, and where you can serve easily? Where do we get the mindset that this is not part of the church's mission. You know, the church that is called to reflect Jesus Christ.

We settle too easily because we have grown indifferent to what life really should be like on Earth. My idea of life here is much broader than settling for something that doesn't speak to me. I want to experience heaven on Earth, right now, not when I die. And I think church is supposed to model this life.

I think we ignore our need for a practical and daily application of the Bible, and settle into a numbing mindlessness practice that can be called religion.

If your experience with church is mindless and does not challenge you to live differently, why doesn't it. That is exactly what Jesus did - he challenged the practice of the religious leaders and always challenged people to live differently.

Why do people think that a church that models this is for everyone but them?

Don't Be That Guy - 1

So, long story made short, I was on a 10 day bus trip exploring the Civil Rights Movement throughout the south a few years ago. I sat on the bus with a friend from college, and we had a good time. His job was to film the entire trip. Well, like clockwork, before every stop, he would ask the tour director if this site should be filmed. And like clockwork, the tour director would look at him - delivering that "are you serious look?"

So, at one of the stops, before the film guy asked his typical question, I looked at him and told him. "don't be that guy", and the front of the bus erupted in laughter.

And ever since then, there have been numerous installments to this series, that appear to follow me around in life. I mean, I can tend to interact with people, that I want to give that, "are you serious?" look to and tell them not to be that guy on a fairly regular basis.

If you are having trouble spotting these incidents, they really aren't hard. A "don't be that guy" moment is literally always right around the corner. They can be moments of captain obvious, moments of complete and total lapses in sound social judgment, or at the slightest, moments where someone acts as if they are the only person in this world.

Whew! I have been waiting a long time to get this out. But, not to disappoint, here is the ultimate reason for this post. I actually plan to post on this subject a lot, creating a new and special label that matches my title.

Today's edition - The guy that is always right. I mean, is it worth pointing out that you heard that the weather is actually going to be 22 today and not 21? Is it worth always answering rhetorical questions? Is it worth that final "I told you so." Is it worth pointing out that 28 people attended and not 30? Is it worth pointing out that 2 sentences ago I failed to put in a question mark at the end of that sentence?

Here are some symptoms, if you are wondering if you are that guy - you lead with the word actually quite often, you scrunch your face when other people talk (signalling that you really know the truth), you lead sentences with "I don't mean to correct you" (yes you do), or you refute people with the phrase, "No, I'm pretty sure it . . . ".

If you notice these symptoms, you may be that guy who is always right.

And what I have always wanted to know - is it really worth that awkward moment, where you publicly show that you are right and experience that awkward silence that immediately and always follows, the kind where people are too embarrassed to follow you in conversational order?

If a decision being made really relies on the accuracy of the weather or attendance - by all means, be that guy. In the other 92% of social interactions, let it go.

Venting a bit

For a while in my life, I went around telling people, "I don't care what people think about me." And this phrase became pretty popular. But deep down inside of me, I kept telling myself that this really was not true.

But I wanted it to be true so bad, that I would do my best to act like I wasn't bothered when people rejected or ignored me. And finally, I am fed up with acting like things don't bug me. Especially things like this.

Now before you go and think that I am promoting public anger over any minor infraction - don't be deceived.

But I am talking about that concept that we should care what people think about us, about how people respond to us. We don't live this life in isolation. The moment we become indifferent to the reactions of the world is the moment we begin to stop feeling. Stop living. Eventually stop breathing.

I do care what people think of me. My identity is not wrapped up in this. Maybe this is the difference, or the tipping point (thanks seth) toward a favorable direction. I do want people to respond favorably to me. I do like to make people laugh. I do want people to leave an interaction with me and see that I love people. I will never compromise (willingly) what I know to be true to secure a favorable reaction.

But come on. I will work hard to connect with people on a human level.

Not sure where this post is/was going. Just had to get it out!

Newest Series

Check it out. elements.

Check out the cover art, which is turning into a NewPointe magazine too!

Unlikely Competition

Some of the guys on staff here play hoops regularly (our new facility is sweet) for exercise. It is always fun, sometimes pretty competitive, and a proving ground for us high-school heroes!

Well, the other day, it was business as usual, until some unlikely competition rolled into the gym.


Some of the ladies in our office, decided that we needed to run against a team with more flare.

It was hilarious! I was taken by surprise to say the least. Funny to laugh with everyone you work, and to work with people who aren't embarrassed to poke some fun at life.

It was a much needed laugh. The only thing that I couldn't figure out, is if they were dressed for hoops or Mardi Gras.

You judge.

Another Quote

Read a quote today that I think is pretty profound.

Paraphrased - when we experience pain, we do everything we can to stop the bleeding, eliminate the feeling of pain.

What if pain was just a way to remind us of the human experience, connecting us with other people. I mean, we often think that following Christ is a life that is disconnected with the human experience as we know it.

I think, as a follower of Christ, I still feel pain, I cry, I get upset and frustrated. But the switch of it is that I have a living hope that twists my perspective. If we stopped feeling pain, we would forget about those that do. If we stopped crying we would ignore those that cry. And if we never got upset or frustrated, we would simply stop engaging our world.

This tension that we experience is a good thing right? It makes for good art, good music, good movies, yet we try to eliminate the hint of tension for fear of it making us care.

Lord, may I never grow indifferent to the human experience.

You are what you read.

Tonight in my class that I teach, I talked about Tim Sander's blog and a post he had about speaking to change the world.

Here is the order that I believe makes for effective communication:

Relevant
Engaging
Content

Notice that content is third. We are a visual culture. Poeple value an engaging speaker more than a knowledgeable speaker. How many of our college faculty have this one backward? Why don't graduate programs have a course on teaching. Our whole educational system is designed for knowledge increase, rather than engaging with students.

I am starting to sound like Seth Godin. Scary.

Today's Wisdom

Today was an interesting day. I think I experienced a few things that I have been learning.

Some relationships in life (short term, long term, developing or casual) are nothing short of divinely appointed. I got a call from someone today and by the end of the 20 minute call, I hung up thanking God for placing that person in my path. I literally walked away from that call having no doubt that I needed to have that conversation. Providential relationships is what we call them at NewPointe.

Next, I broke a rule that I created and it was not so that the person involved would like me. It was actually for their benefit. Rules without relationship lead to rebellion. Too often, we have policy and rules simply so we don't have to choose the hard right. Policy separates us from the unpredictable nature of life and humanity. Too often we try to cut ourselves off from that element - and ultimately the red tape and bureacuracy of life really actually separates us from what we were created to experience. If it sounds like a ramble, I am really working this thought out, but the lines we draw in the sand are sometimes meant to be broken. See Luke 10 and the Good Samaratan.

Captured with Words

Read this on Tony Morgan's Blog:

"When the pain gets so bad that you're ready to quit you've set yourself up as someone with nothing to lose. And someone with nothing to lose has quite a bit of power. You can go for broke. Challenge authority. Attempt unattempted alternatives. Lean into the problem; lean so far that you might just lean right through it."

Seth Godin, author of The Dip (May 2007, Portfolio) as quoted on the Idea Sandbox (February 15, 2007)

Seriously powerful and seriously true. First image - Martin Luther King, Jr. Unbelievable how good life can look from the bottom of the barrell.

Is there any other kind?

I read something today that was pretty simple yet pretty profound. One of the major rubs that we experience in life often is the result of mismatched expectations. Pretty true, huh?

In relationships, churches, business - differing expectations create tension, which we often interpret as a lack of ____________ (fill in the blank). It could be a lack of love, acceptance, understanding, whatever you fill in that gap with, it really is not the root of the problem.

Check out the expectations and see if they match with the company, church, person that is not delivering. Chances are - the disconnect is not in the concern for you, but in the expectations.

My wife and I are starting to look for a home to purchase. We have rented for our first year out here, and now are looking to buy a home. As we talk, any disagreement about a house, really stems not from a lack of concern for each other, or from selfishness, but from disconnected expectations.

So we are having a sit down. We are going to establish our non-negotiables, our flexibles and our would be nice if possibles. I am betting that this simple 3 column list will clear up any future disagreements.

How can I make this practical? In any conversation where the GPS is screaming that you are on a path to a disagreement - stop and ask what each other's expectations are. If they are made clear, the disagreement will make much more sense. If not, expect the tension to be clear as mud.

In the words of A Few Good Men, to me expectations must be clear, crystal clear. There really is no other kind.


Readers alert - I am going to be posting my essentials for effective platform/stage communication. Not what you would get in a textbook. This kind of stuff really excites me. You too? I thought so!

elements Begins

This weekend at NewPointe we kicked off our new 7 week series. I had a choice about blogging on the series or watching the NBA all star game. Hmmmm . . . . . my laptop will always win out on the NBA.

So the series began today, and I think with a bang. Stage was set, Delorian (sp?), Doc Brown (outside the bunn), K ditty West, a stage set up with spinning molecules, giant test tubes, and topping it all off, great music and a strong message.

The entire message was about trust - and how God is interested, deeply, in growing our trust in Him. It was just an all around great service. Everything appeared complimentary, including our new weekly design, which we handout each week, aka worship guide.

If I had to rate the entire weekend for my favorite part, it would be the communicator (D Mason). I really enjoyed the message. I think he broke the idea of trust in God down to a very relevant and relatable portion. I loved it all.

Rules without relationships leads to rebellion. Acting independently of God breaks our trust in Him and ultimately our relationship with Him (see Adam and Eve, in Bible). So it was strong. Wanna hear more, get it on our site - www.newpointe.org.

Ok, so this post has grown out of control like a misplanted bush. And I am becoming very fond of (parenthesis!)

till tomorrow

A mess

The last few days (4 but who's counting) have been taxing. Not from the IRS, but from a sick son at home. This is our first big sickness - ear infection - and the home world has really come to a halt.

It just makes for a long day - waking up early, thinking about it, making decisions about doctor's visits, getting medicine. Sounds trivial, but when you love someone so much, this kind of stuff deeply matters.

So needless to say it was a long week. And this impacts all of my life. From work, to relationships, to energy level, to motivation. Wow. I'm ready for a healthy son, and a healthy rest of my life!

By the way - new series starts this weekend - elements. I am pretty excited for it. I think it really can impact our community.

Just realized it

If any of you know me, I took a huge step, with my family, in moving out here and beginning work in a church (NewPointe Community Church). After about 8 months, which included moving away from home, family, academia, and basically all that is familiar, I often reflect on what my experience has been like.

Well at this point, I am still reflecting. I don't think I have the words in the lowest common denominator format. But I have two observations that I have recognized:

1. I have never been more comfortable with who I am not. Though I am still learning these (seems I have lots that I am not), I am admitting them more freely. Yes I follow the laws of disclosure that I teach in my comm class. But never before have I experienced a culture where it was safe to admit that some certain things were not your strength. Rather than play a game that is all about managing your image and social masks. I have never felt more free to be me. I can disagree with people, I can show that I am confused - I can admit these big words - I don't know. This for me is huge. My personality style often pushes me toward approval, and this often leads me to not owning up to who I am not. But since I have been here, I am experiencing freedom to be me in a whole new level.

2. The next one - and this may sound silly - I have never been on the verge of tears more than since I have been on staff here. I mean I think I grew cold and indifferent to people in general, wanting nothing more than to get home and close my door to the world. Now when I am out, I see people as more than a bother. I mean I was not a hermit or even close to becoming one. But I don't think I realized that everyone has a story, and that I play a part in theirs. When you realize that you are contributing to other people's journeys - that is eye opening. Now I see people and I see potential. I see human emotion. I see stories. I see earth and breath and a soul. Sound wierd? But it is not. And seeing that and hearing about people that experience a significant life change from Christ, really makes me emotional.

Well that is where I am today - in a mode of reflection. It is snowing, or atleast it was today. Snow like this is good. It slows us down and helps us to see all that we miss.

You know, meaning is not only in the depths of life. The surface also clues us toward truth.

I am out.

You can't be neutral

Ok - so the game was absolutely incredible. Heels won by 37 - but the atmosphere, the people, the light blue - it was a great experience. At halftime, the heels honored their 57 and 82 championship teams - so MJ was in the house, along with Worthy, Perkins, Black, and Dean Smith. Pretty neat experience. I bought a banner that commemorates their 5 championships for my office. Too bad it may get obsolete with their 6th this year!

Campus was great - and I spent most of the morning just walking around - Franklin Street - what a cool college town. And I don't say this cuz I am a tarheel fan, but their campus environment is everything the movies say college will look like. It really was picturesque.

So the point of this post - game was unbelievable, but there was something that I am learning from this experience. Driving 7 hours on a Friday and driving 7 more on a Saturday is just not like me. In fact, something as spontaneous as that is really not like me. The game is really like me, but not the 7 hour trip.

So the point? I think that the spontaneous life is a life that is not indifferent. Really, predictability leads to indifference. I don't think anyone wants to be indifferent. I remember a kid on my LL team who when we voted said that he was neutral. We hated him for that. (not really hated, but made fun of really bad). So - don't be like that guy (the indifferent one). Scratch predictability for spontaneous. Live life.

Blue Heaven

I am in Chapel Hill, as I write this. Everyone here seems to be a heel fan. That must be why they call it blue heaven. Tomorrow is the game - they should blow out Wake. I am thinking by 20. Am I disappointed that it may be a blowout? Not a chance. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Go heels.

A great night

Ok - so if you notice the links at the side of my blog - I am a huge UNC tarheel fan. I mean, I have loved them since I was just a kid. And the culmination of their season is always the Duke games. Yep, the national championships are cool, but beating Duke makes a season.

Last night, first installment of the rivalry for this season. UNC by 6 in a close one at Cameron. That makes it even better - it was on their turf. I was nervous in the first half, but what a masterful coaching job - Roy Williams - and why is he not yet in the CBB Hall of Fame? Dick Vitale is!??

My wife just called me to congratulate me about the game. She did not watch it, but she knows what's up. My profile is not lying.

By the way - I am going to the Dean E. Smith Center to watch the heels in action against Wake - this weekend! Best birthday gift ever, right up there with my playstation 2.

The Camel's Back

Ok - so you all have heard that phrase "The straw that broke the camel's back." And if you are like me, you often focus in on that one thing that breaks your back. But yesterday, I saw this phrase from a totally different perspective.

Someone said, "When I hear that phrase - it says to me that there was a whole lot of straw already on that camel." Wow! I always focused on that single straw and never noticed that there was a bunch of other straw that put the camel in the position to break its back.

And here come the questions - Why do we focus on that one thing and ultimately blame it and not the camel? Why do we wait until our back is near broken to speak up? What straw in our life are we not noticing? Why is the animal in this phrase a camel and not a donkey or horse?

Any way you slice it, I believe that we focus on the obvious and ignore the invisibles.

Start looking for the unseen - and life may get blurry before it clears up.